Sometimes, I get really anxious at night. My mind starts wandering to all the things I’m uncertain and insecure about: by the time I’m ready to enter the housing market will I be priced out? What if I never find a job I actually like? Does the fact that I’m a late bloomer mean that it’s too late for me to find a relationship?
Last night, as I not-so-gracefully gave myself over to the anxiety spiral, I read about a man who had his mugshot held for ransom. It basically ruined his life for a bit. Now, I don’t have a mugshot, but I do have a name twin. She has the same uncommon first and last name as me, and she’s made it her username all over the internet. So I googled my own name, as I sometimes do, just to make sure that nothing shady was going on.
I clicked a Facebook link, curious to see what my name doppelganger looked like, only to find that the Facebook profile was actually mine. It was a page from the hormonal, angst-filled cringefest of my early teens, and I had long ago abandoned it. “Abandoned” meaning that I logged out one day and never signed in again, leaving it up for the whole world to find on Google.
Naturally, I logged in to change my privacy settings, because no future employer or date needs to see how awkward I was at age 13. Curious about this time in my life that I try not to think about, I started clicking through my old photos. Was my hair really that healthy? And was I really that cute?
One of my goals for May was to go on one date. This isn’t a particularly ambitious goal, and online dating gives me access to so many potential dates. I’ve got (hypothetical) options! So why am I three weeks into May, dateless, and only half-jokingly thinking that I’m going to be single for the rest of my life?
I dropped my dating life when I found myself with too much on my plate back in March. It’s been about a month and a half since then and I haven’t really done anything to get back to dating.
Sometimes I think I should really get going because I don’t want to find myself in a mad dash to find a man when I start getting close to 30. I’ve heard of that happening to people, and it’s possible that it could happen to me too. But on the other hand, I’m pretty comfortable just not dating at all.
Being single is just easy for me. I’m amazed by people who seamlessly transition from singledom to being in a relationship because I’m finding it to be an absolute struggle.
Little Pink Book is a blog series about dating smarter, not harder as an ambitious, Christian, millenial woman. Read the rest of the series here. If you’d like to submit a post to this series, send a pitch here.
My first foray into online dating was brief, confusing, and disappointing, but I fired up another dating app (not Tinder, probably never Tinder) for round two. This app is different from the last one in that it doesn’t have a daily limit for the number of potential matches you see and allows guys to message girls first.
Round two lasted about three weeks before I needed to back off and focus on other things (hello, deadlines!). I didn’t realize how much time and energy dating takes up. Nevertheless, I learned a lot about who and how I like to date. Here are five of the biggest.
Little Pink Book is a blog series about dating smarter, not harder as an ambitious, Christian, millenial woman in a big city. Read the rest of the series here. If you’d like to contribute, send us a pitch here.
The first time I got rejected by a guy I met online, it really sucked. I’m used to the idea that when I meet someone I feel a mutual attraction with, it’s special. Offline, I’m not meeting people I want to mutually get to know better very often. So imagine my surprise when a guy who said he enjoyed talking to me suddenly told me that we shouldn’t talk anymore.
What I didn’t understand about online dating then is that it’s fickle. People are bombarded with options on a daily basis. When you’re speaking to someone who is one of many, that person isn’t terribly special (at least not at first).
That’s a double edged sword of online dating–being to made to feel undervalued–but on the other hand, I’ve found that it’s key to avoiding placing a guy on a pedestal and dealing with rejection.
Iam a firm believer that girls should date smart. There’s too much advice telling us not to be too picky, and not enough advice telling us to be intentional with what we want or that we should have standards. I’m not here for taking what I can get. I’m here for respect, good conversations, and meeting my non-negotiables.
I know dating isn’t perfect in 2018 (or ever), but I’m big on learning from experience and not making the same mistake twice (…ok, three times). Little Pink Book is a blog series encompassing the lessons I learn in dating as an ambitious, Christian twentysomething in a big city. It’s about stories. It’s about enjoying the journey while taking ourselves seriously enough. It’s about learning to laugh at things that used to make us cry. I want Little Pink Book to empower us start a conversation about how to make dating work for us, and not the other way around.
I’m excited about this project, and I hope you are too! Please feel free to share your stories–I’d love to hear them. Here’s to 2018 being our year.